Is it an artistic selection of film photography?
Is it an insight into my life in Japan, and my experiences?
Is it a humourous update on current events?
Of course it bloody isn't!
It's a brand new edition of...


Marking the English Homework of Japanese Teenagers!
(Because These Kids Are Awesome) 
The Time Travel Edition

[1] If I had a time machine, I would like to go to the past. Because, I think that I wish I had studied harder when I was in first grade or second grade. So, I'm going to find past myself, and I want to tell me to study harder, not to regret.

That's a great message. I feel like we've started this blog post off with a really important point about living in the moment and doing the best possible by yourself and your potential. I think this is an opportunity for us all to have a moment of introspection and - wait, you have something to add?

And, I lost my umbrella in past days. So, if I find me leaving it on the bus, I would like to tell me to be careful.

... Also valid.

[2] If "time machines" are invented, I would like to return to the ages I was a baby. I want to take care of me and my sister there.

I'm pretty sure that would create a time paradox. I'm just saying, if Doctor Who has taught me anything, it's that you can't go back in your own timeline. This probably wasn't made clear in the assignment guidelines.

And, I want to see my slim father and young mother, too. Because my father always says, "In those days I was still a slim man". So I want to see that father who I can never believe from his present figure.

LESS O' YOUR SASS. And by less, I always mean more.

[3] I may slip back to the Old Stone Age and I will manage to make friends with primitive men, and I will show them useful tools of the present time. For example, when they must go a long distance, I will drive them there with a car, and when they have trouble making a fire, I will lend a match to them. If I display the power of modern civilisation, they will recognise me as a leader of them. And then I want to live comfortably.

Let's take a minute to consider the mental image of a Japanese teenager DRIVING PREHISTORIC MAN AROUND IN A CAR. And prehistoric man's, like, hanging out the window, wind blowing in his hair; Bryan Adams on the radio (I don't know why, but you know that he would be).  Flawless.

[4] I would like to go back to the age when I was an elementary school student. And I will keep my current intelligence. What's more, I will not forget my memories. If I can do so, I will be called a child prodigy and a prophet. And I will be able to take away my regrets with my abnormal skills.

A PROPHET. Oh, you kids keep me young.

[5] If I had a time machine, I would like to see historical times. Because the historical texts have a lot of information, but I can't believe these facts, for example that the women who were living in the Heian era were plump and they were judged not so much plain as beautiful. I can't absolutely believe. If I had lived in such an era, I would have died by myself. And I would say, "Help me".

At first I wondered where this was going; and then we got to the deathbed words of 'help me!', and I laughed for basically ever. NO, YOU ARE SKINNY. YOU WILL DIE IN THE GUTTER. 

...Some days I think to myself, I would happily hire these kids to hang around talking shit to me all day while looking adorable in white socks and pleated skirts. Then I remember that I get paid to hang around them all day, inciting conversation while they look adorable in white socks and pleated skirts. This works out pretty well.